Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
