and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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