I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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