hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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