Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
