im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
