Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Randomize
