i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
