somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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