bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If that was your dad, he is hot
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
