i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
