i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
