Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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