So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
