did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we're so committed to being not committed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
