It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
