this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
