I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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