Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
