I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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