just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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