apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
