Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
