I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
