Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
