you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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