well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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