You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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