Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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