I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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