why didn't you poke me back
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
