the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's blow job season.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
