life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
