Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
