I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
