i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
