Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
