You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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