i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
