You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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