Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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