WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
