i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want a musical about memes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
