Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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