i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
