i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
