Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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