mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
