Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
