yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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