Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
